The Lost and the STILL Missing

This morning I awoke to the smell of cinnamon rolls and bacon. I slid out of bed and made my way to the living room where I found both of the kids deep in thought with a chess match. My house was sparkling and as I passed the mirror, I noticed I was fully dressed an made up, hair and all. Then my refection said to me, " Hey Idiot. Your migraine is making you hallucinate. Snap out of it!"
Sigh..
The reality was my "good morning" came in the form of a pounding headache, which, I think, would qualify as a 6.5 on the Richter Scale. Even now at 10PM, I still wince and make that face, like you just smelled sour milk, EVERY TIME I move. So along with my actual headache, I have that everyday one from not being able to locate certain household items......

MISSING

Surround Sound Remote Last seen: Early 2009
And more recently...
New gel phone cover Last seen: oh, I don't know, a week and a half ago?

Suspects:
A mischievous 2 yr old and a 16 (I mean 6 yr old who thinks she's 16. When asked about the missing items and if she had anything to do with it she replied " UMMM, NOAH" I have on numerous occasions tried to explain to her the word is pronounced simply "no". With no avail and unless she is making a Barbie bomb, I'm pretty sure she's clear. )
I have checked the usual hiding places where missing things often turn up. The widow sill at the front of the house, the pirate tent, the closet. And EVERYWHERE ELSE!! The inside of shoes, my garage, three toy boxes, the yard, book shelves, and the couches. And I sill can't find either! I have given up on the remote as of late last year. I'm 90% sure it's buried in the sand box. But my phone cover is new...and I just want it back.

Also, I have myself lost my memory since being a mother. " I can't find my shoes!" Oh yes, they are by the door where I put them 5 seconds ago "I can't find my keys" Oh yes, they are on the table, again, where I put them 5 seconds ago. I wish I had a beeper on my keys...but I would loose that too. The losing of the keys happens multiple times n a daily basis. And the worst situation has been....." Where's Bent....."and before I got the last syllable out of my mouth, my own child's name.....I realize I'm holding him. Unfortunately, this incident took place in front of others. Thankfully it was one of my best friends and her family, anyone else would have thought me crazy, and un-thankfully because they still won't let me live it down. It's even a greeting as I come in the door with the kids, "Hey where's Bentley?" Haha.

So along with the items I would like to find; cell phone service in my own home and the reason why only half of the keys on my keyboard work the first time.